July 11, 2007

Meemaw and Peepaw

I saw Spring Awakening last night. It was very good, and this is coming from someone who typically hates musicals. Mainly because a few years ago I was forced to see Mama Mia, and it nearly killed me.

I think I would have liked Spring Awakening a lot more if it wasn't for one thing. The audience.

Picture me in the second row. To my left, I see row upon row of this:

To my right, I see row upon row of this:

Which is to be expected when you go see a Tony Award winning Broadway show, especially on a Tuesday night. But the problem here is that this particular musical has a bunch of sex scenes. We're talking naked breasts, naked asses, fingering, jizz on hands, masturbation, and screams of pleasure.

Now...I'm no prude. I like a good hearty sex scene as much as the next guy. But not when I'm sitting in the midst of a sea of Meemaws and Peepaws!

There's this one song early on that's about masturbation. I think it's called "My Junk." Not only is it about masturbation, but during the whole song this one kid is sitting center stage, with a spotlight beaming down on him, wearing nothing but a robe, and he's jerking off. I don't mean he's just kind of rubbing himself. The kid was going at it. We're talking full extension. One could say he was overdoing it. Kind of like a horny chimpanzee. Unless of course he had a twenty inch dick. In which case, he was spot on with how high he was beating his robe up and down. Not only that, but he was beating off in perfect harmony with the music.

This scene brought out a lot of these kinds of looks from the old men around me:

And a lot of these looks from all the old ladies:

Things settled down after that, and everybody was having a grand old time watching the kids sing about more decent, acceptable things. Such as suicide.

And then came the big sex scene.

I was sitting really close to the stage, so I could see everything. And by everything I mean that when the lead actor stuck his hand into the lead actress's underwear, I could very clearly see a certain orifice.

Which led to this:

And this:

And even a little of this:

Again, I'm no prude. I'm all for sex and nudity on stage, screen, kitchen table, wherever. But how can I enjoy it when the casts of Golden Girls and Cocoon are circled around me!

It was like this. You're sitting alone on your couch at home. You're watching some internet porn on your laptop. You get up to go to the kitchen to get a drink, leaving said porn playing on said laptop on said couch. You come back to the couch, with drink in hand, ready to fully enjoy the porn in all its porny glory, and sitting on the couch you see this:

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