July 09, 2007

More Franks

You're not believe how many incredible Franks there are in this world. The number one ranked Frank in Google is pretty amazing, but take a look at the whole first page of Franks here.

I mean, there isn't a single dud in the whole bunch! Here's a quick rundown of my favorites.

Meet Little Frank:

You can't tell from the photo, but Little Frank is actually four inches tall. I took this picture of him while he was standing on the tracks of my nephew's toy train set. I make him wear that little train conductor's outfit because I think it's really cute on him. Sometimes he doesn't want to put it on and I have to threaten to squash his foot with my thumb. Other times, Frank gets rip roaring drunk on my Listerine and then rides around the house on the back of my cat shouting things like "I want a woman! I want a woman!"


This is my Uncle Frank:

I've locked him in this office indefinitely because he's obsessed with two things. In his own words, those two things are:

1. "fiddling about"
2. "my penis"


The final Frank is my next door neighbor, Old Man Frank.

Old Man Frank has a third nipple on his chin. Instead of getting it removed, Old Man Frank decided instead to go through life always holding his chin as if he's deep in thought, when in reality he's really just ashamed of his chin nipple.

Come on, Old Man Frank. Seventy years is a long time to hold cover up your chin. Time to put down that tired hand and be proud of who you are. I will not tease you. I will not judge you. I will however be the first in line at the Freak Show tent to pay five bucks to watch a baby cow suckle your chin nipple.

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