August 02, 2005

Like a Brick Shithouse

After a 5 year period of sloth, I've begun working out again. And when I say working out I don't mean that sissy stuff like Jazzercise or even worse Mousercise.

My excercise motto is this: If a lumberjack wouldn't be caught dead doing it, then neither would I.

So here's my excercise routine: I warm up by picking up huge boulders and hurling them haphazedly around the yard until my neck veins almost burst. Then I find a wild animal and wrestle it into submission (in Park Slope, Brooklyn the animal often ends up being a squirrel). For cardio I have this gigantic monster truck tire that I turn end over end until I pass out. When I wake up I head on over to my backyard anvil collection, which I pick up one by one and toss up onto my 3rd story roof.

In the winters I do a lot of this:

And this:

Looking at myself in the mirror the other day, after a month of doing this workout regimin, the phrase "built like a brick shithouse" came to mind. I started to think about the origin of such a weird phrase which I've heard used to describe well-built guys, big-framed women, and even extremely attractive women (she's a brick-HOUSE). I'm assuming it comes from the fact that back in the day most shithouses were built out of wood, and that a brick one was considered an impressive, seemingly immovable structure. It's also full of shit, so the phrase apparently applies to me on a number of levels.

What isn't full of shit is the latest FOOP! review, which comes to us from Rambles, a cultural arts magazine:

"Hilarious, sad and intriguing to the core, FOOP! may be too good for our own time; my own copy keeps vanishing to parts and borrowers unknown. Grab a copy for yourself, and keep an eye on it. It's livelier than you'd expect.”

Check out the full review HERE.

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