January 16, 2005

Indecent Proposal

This weekend I was contacted by a Czech condom company that wants to give me an endorsement deal. The condoms are appropriately called Pepino Condoms, and they come in a variety of flavors such as wink-wink banana and nudge-nudge strawberry, as well as a variety of styles such as Excel (for those in a hurry) and Effect (for the altruistic men out there).

You may know Pepino Condoms from their brilliant marketing campaign in which they're distributing almost a million penis-measuring postcards to men and women in bars and pubs all over europe. The card has a centimeter scale to measure length, four holes to measure girth, and carries the slogan: "Be a man, measure yourself. It's worth it." Indeed.

Once you calculate your length and girth you can see which catagoy your penis falls into. The lowest is 'primates', followed by 'jackals', 'boars', and 'bulls' at the top. Chris got his hands on one of these cards and stealthily went into the bathroom alone to measure himself one night. While he never said what catagory he fell in, he did spend the remainder of that day running around the apartment making oinking noises.

For the endorsement deal, Pepino Condoms offered me a boatload of money if I would just throw in the following phrase at the end of all of my posts:

"P.S. - Chris had some mind boggling, genre bending sex last night thanks to Pepino....Pepino Condoms that is ;) "

I thought it over, discussed it with Chris (he was actually quite excited about the idea), and I was about to accept their offer when I saw this.

I don't know how I feel about endorsing an animated condom who rubs bananas all over himself before jumping into a woman's ice cream cone. The innuendo seems a bit too much, even for me.

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