January 09, 2005

Reality Bites

I received quite a bit of hate mail over the weekend from people upset that I insinuated in my last post that I am planning some sort of revenge campaign against the Parasite Pals. Here’s an example of one of the hundreds:

Pepino,

How DARE you threaten the parasite pals! They are the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest gang of pals in the whole wide world and you are a sickening monster for even hinting that you mean to do them harm. Why don’t you hold a knife to a Care Bear’s throat while you’re at it? Jerk.

Grow up.

Regina G.

P.S. I hope you die…soon.

The problem here is that you people only know the Parasite Pals from their cartoonish caricatures and perky website, while I actually met them in the flesh. I even knew one of them in the Biblical sense.

So let me introduce to you the real Parasite Pals, without their make-up on. I managed to dig up some old snapshots of them, from back when I could still call them my friends.

Tickles the tapeworm

ZZeezz the bed bug

Dig Dig the head louse

Blinky the eyelash mite*

There...still think they're the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest gang of pals in the whole wide world?

*That isn't a very good photo of my ex-wife, but it was the only one I didn't eat when she left me. She had just gotten out of bed when I took that picture so she's kind of out of it. We had one of our all-night lovemaking sessions the night before, including our first successful cycle through the entire Kama Sutra, so she was understandably a bit of a wreck.

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